Tuesday, March 4, 2014

March...

Today I had to return to the real world. After 11 blissful weeks of maternity leave, I am back at work. I knew, all along, that today would be tough, but I didn't know just HOW tough it would be. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster all day. Yesterday it was just Sam and I. I turned down requests to hang out with people (except to have my mom over for lunch) because I wanted one last day with just me and my baby. And it was wonderful. Last night, as I was getting ready and packing all of his stuff for today, it really hit me. I thought how I wouldn't be hanging out at home with him, but he'd, instead, be at a daycare with people he doesn't know. I wondered if he'd be scared? And that was an awful thought to have...because I pretty much fell apart after that. This morning, Sam woke up at about 6 a.m. So, like every morning, Kevin brought him to bed with us so we could all cuddle. I never wanted that hour to end. But at 7 a.m., it was time to get going. Now, Sam is always a very happy baby in the morning...and today he wasn't. I wonder if he somehow knew what was going on? Maybe he sensed something in me? The fear, the anxiety. He screamed bloody murder for almost 10 minutes before finally falling asleep in my arms as I rocked him. He was still sleeping when we left him at daycare...which was hard. I wanted so much to wake him up and tell him bye so he wouldn't have to wake up to a strange place and a stranger's face. But he needed to sleep. So Kevin and I left and I silently prayed he would be OK. About two hours into work, our babysitter texted me a photo of Sam. He looked happy. She said he was an angel. I started feeling better. While I wish he could be with me all day, I take comfort knowing he's in a small in-home daycare with only a few kids and a provider who will take time to comfort and play with him. Who will send me updates and make sure I know he's OK. I feel better about that. Plus, everyone has been so kind to me today. My co-workers set up balloons and a welcome back sign in my new desk. They also printed out and framed photos of Sam and set them up at my desk. And my parents sent me flowers. People have also been messaging and texting me all day. I couldn't ask for a better support system. I wouldn't have made it through this day without that. I just hope each day gets better. I know it will...but I guess I hope it happens sooner rather than later. And I can't wait for it to be 5 p.m. I can't wait to hug my precious baby and kiss his chubby cheeks! XOXO, MJ

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Samuel Jacob Coffey

I wish I would have updated this blog sooner. But I have been pretty busy.

Our son, Samuel Jacob Coffey, was born Dec. 13, 2013 at 12:21 a.m. He weighed 7 pounds, 15.5 ounces and was 20.75 inches long.

It was the most joyous day of my life. I went into labor with him at about 8:45 in the morning when my water broke (thank God it wasn't at work...). We got to the hospital at about 10 a.m. and I labored with him all day.

I can remember walking up and down the hallway of the maternity ward and hearing all the babies crying and saying to Kevin, "I wonder what our baby's cry will sound like?" I can't even tell you how many times I walked up and down that hallway.

By about 5 p.m., my contractions were getting bad. I remember before I went into labor, my sister told me to think of the contractions as waves...let them wash over me...then think, "That one is gone. It'll never happen again." Well, I tried that. I really did. I did good at first...but when they started to get really bad...I began thinking, "That one is gone...but the next one is coming any second!"

Labor was hard. And exhausting. Probably the single HARDEST thing I have ever done in my life. But so worth it. But when I think back on the experience...I don't remember the pain (which is probably why I will have another kid in a few years...). All I can remember is hearing Sam's cry as the doctor lifted him up and placed him right on my belly.

He had the most adorable cry. I remember looking at him and thinking, "This is MY baby?" It was so surreal. I was crying. Kevin was crying. My mom was crying. The two nurses, two doctors and anesthesiologist all kept telling me, "He's beautiful. Congratulations."

As soon as the doctor placed him on me (I was the first person to actually touch him) and Sam heard, smelled and felt me...he immediately stopped crying. Even though I know he really couldn't see me, it seemed like he was looking at me. I'll never, ever forget it.

He's now eight weeks old and I am sitting here wondering where the time has gone. It doesn't seem like I gave birth to him eight weeks ago. He's just starting to smile at us...and he sometimes kind of giggles. He can hold his head up pretty well, too. He loves cuddling and I think his favorite thing to do is nurse! I love it, too. Such an amazing time to bond with him.




Well...that's it for now. :)

XOXO,
MJ